who the hell knows

I've got ten days until I turn 25. This year has hit me for some reason. Like I should be responsible and mature. I should have direction and not make all these crazy mistakes. I also feel old for the first time but not ready for it. Like a five year old trying to wear her dads shoes.

I'm almost done with this poop shit job and I hate it and I suck at it. I'm not sure if I never had a memory or if the stress is affecting my memory and ability to perform. I certainly feel my life force being drained on a daily basis. My principal worked real friggin hard on Friday to make me feel like a piece of poop because I fucked up some WASL stuff. Whatever. I just want this nightmare to be over. I want to just roll over and give up and start truely not giving a shit and doing the worlds most pathetic job. But that wouldn't go along with my new mature age. Damn it! I really hate perfectionism and worrying about every silly detail. It just annoys the crap out of me.

I want this job to be over but I want to still be able to believe in myself and my ability to do my best at whatever job I have. And when this job is over I'm leaving. It makes me sad and a bit nervous. I'm going to miss everyone so much. And I guess the desire to travel is my only direction in life.

Blech, another week starts tomorrow.